I won't forget the first time when I met him. I won't forget since the first time he caught my eyes. They called him Papa Bear because he has a big body like a Bear. But for me, he has warm personality. I never thought I'm going to fall for him this deep. I thought I likes him because he's funny and doing some silly things. Then, I realized I really into him.
He started to ask to go home together by hitch my uber car. And then the story happened..
He asked me to hang out together, watch movie and sometimes we went back home at midnite.
He's such a sweet man for me. He listened to all my complains about my partner and my boss. He's there when I had a tough time. I guess it was the main reason why I fell for him.
And then I found out he's kind to everybody not only me. He's going out with the other girls too. I was so jealous and couldn't manage my anger. I became crancky and a temper woman.
One time, there's a man asked me to have a serious relationship unfortunately, I couldn't accept him because I had already had the feeling to that man.
I felt clearly this Papa Bear has no feeling to me. I knew exactly for him I only his friend not more than that. So then I decided to move back and left him.
So then the drama happened..
I removed all his social media because it's difficult to me to move on from him if I always seeing him in my timeline. I felt so crazy for checking his instagram for every hour and thinking where he's going to, what he's doing everyday or whose he's hanging out with. I had such a wild negative thinking which is I knew it's not good for my mental health. We didn't speak each other for two months even when I sent him the birthday greeting he's reply after two days and it was so cold.
I'm not sure if I do the right things, but I kept misses him every single night. The crazy thing was I dreamt of hin for almost every day. All those feeling, all those pain I feel it by my self without telling him what the truth is.
Then yesterday, we accidently met in one restaurant. My friend asked me to hang out with her and I said yes without knowing he'll be there too. I was so nerveous but also happy. Tho I know he showed me his cold attitude.
I was so happy until I cried when I got back home. Well, I lost my mind in the middle of night I sent him hundred of messages telling him how I miss him and the reason why I removed his social media. I know it's a shame but I feel like a huge stone in my chest was thrown away. It ended by I cried at midnight and not sleeping(again) until now.
Well, I havent got any replied yet from him or maybe not. But I'm trying to entertain my self that I was such a brave to tell him what I feel no matter how he's reaction going to.
Jakarta, October 28, 2017
13.53 pm
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