Single blue syndrome

As it said in the title, "Single Blue Syndrome" well that's a made up word that my self made to describe what's going on in my life recently. If a new mum having a baby blue syndrome because they feel jealous, angry, and pathatic, when their husband and other ppl giving the new baby born a lot spot and less for them while single blue syndrome means you really overwhelmed of being single for years!!

I've been enjoying my true single life for almost three years which is a quiet sometimes for a girl like me. I'm being single not because nobody likes but it's typically my self whose being over suspicious to any man who's trying to getting know me.

I've become this numb in a reason of being rejected by ppl I liked for many times. Do I look at that pathatic? Feeling so desperate in looking for a real serious man for me?

There's a huge angry inside my soul. Angry to my dad, to some cruel ppl, and to my self. They do not know how much I do really wanna get marry and having a baby, all they know is asking and asking and asking then pushing. They ask me all those horrible questions and labeling me into something that really unacceptable to say. What could I say? What could I do to defence my self?

And I became anti social. I keep my self staying away for gathering or meeting people. I stayed in my room for days and only gets out when I'm working.

Ppl will not understand my condition. They will never know the truth. Because I am a good pretender! My smile and happy face every where in my work place, so ppl will thought everything is fine in my life. While they absolutly wrong about that. I am totaly needed help!!