My imperfect life

I don't have a perfect family..
I don't always have the things I wanna have like the others.

Sometimes we're good..
Sometimes we're not..
Sometimes evertything's will be okay
Sometimes it getting worst..

I love them indeed..
I love my imperfect family..
We've been past the hard situation for almost five years together..

All my life is for them..
All my sacrifice is only for their happiness..

I know I cant put away all those traumatic times..
I know they have it too..
I know sometimes my bodies is shaking when I'm thinking about I will have my own family..
Sometimes I feel I'm too scare to get married and having a husband..
Sometimes I feel, I cant trust anybody in a marriage.
Sometimes I feel too pathatic to imagine that how's my own family will be have..

I still remember the times I had to leave my house..
I still remember all the bad things that they've said to me, and it's keep continuing until now..
I still remember how's they put us in the very under position of humanity.
I still remember, and still, all those painful.

Counting all those painful memories is like counting the stars.
You cant count it properly because it too many to count.

And I did that runaway..
And I did those fighting..
And I did start my life my zero again
And I did feel my life getting better everyday..

I learnt how to stay strong..
I learnt how to pass every single hard times..
I learnt how to be unlucky people..
I learnt how the things is priceless than money..
I learnt how to stay stand for them..
How to make them smile and happy, even not much..
I learnt how Allah is really loves me by giving this problems..

Ya Allah..
I dont mind for all of Your obstacles to me..
I know that You know I can pass it..
Though I know sometimes I'm so exhausted to stand up for it..
Then I realize, there's some ppl I cant leave them..

Ya Allah..
I love them..
I will always make sure that they're okay..

May You always protect them, Ya Rabb..
Aamiin..